All of my grand efforts to blog about the Pacific Crest Trail hike - crashed to the earth as I was blown over by the sheer wildness of hiking and sleeping outside for months. I was simply just too exhausted to form coherent thoughts. I would make it to a town and just sit quietly in a chair for several hours because that chair was predictable. -- Nothing unexpected was going to happen. I just had to sit there and soak it all in.
I'm not sure what I was expecting by attempting a super long national scenic trail to hike- as someone who has never hiked before -- - but it wasn't as extremely extreme in my imagination as what actually happened. My whole life and mind was blown wide open and now I just can't ever be the old me.
I especially can't be what other people want me to be now either.
Being away from hiking in 2015 has turned me back into a snooty bitch. I need to just relax and start planning.
I never feel better than I do-- than when it is time to get organized. -- I'm such a specific planner - that I plan to also break the plan and instead be loosely planned within a plan. - I plan so much that when it comes time to execute my plan - I've already rehearsed the entire scenario in my mind a million times- that my body just goes through the motions.
--- So here I am -- planning.
I'm planning to make my next move.
I'm going to work and save money to get new shoes and extra side items for hiking.
I'm going to Hike on the Colorado Trail.
I'm going to change my mind again - I've been away from that ultimate joy for a year now. I feel dead inside again- and I need to be out there.
I don't know why I'm so broken this way. -- I don't know why this great sadness has overtaken my spirit for the last 6 months. I can't just blame it on being in South Texas.
I feel better now saying that I'm going to hike the Colorado Trail. -- It feels less like someone who wants to leave her life- and more like someone who is creating one.
- I'm just not happy with the material things I think I want. There are things that people keep pushing on me as being the right way of things. They find such definition in their careers - and I only see dead zombies who do the same thing every day for decades. . .. And they call that a happy and successful life? -- I seem to only find joy now in experiences. I just want to feel it all. I want to be in motion and not stop.
The draw to to get back out there again is powerful. -- Life After the excitement of 2014 has been a strange and foggy journey to find the new normal. -- I'm ready to find Life Again and I know it is here beckoning me to wake up and take those first thrilling steps onto this next trail.
I'm not sure what I was expecting by attempting a super long national scenic trail to hike- as someone who has never hiked before -- - but it wasn't as extremely extreme in my imagination as what actually happened. My whole life and mind was blown wide open and now I just can't ever be the old me.
I especially can't be what other people want me to be now either.
Being away from hiking in 2015 has turned me back into a snooty bitch. I need to just relax and start planning.
I never feel better than I do-- than when it is time to get organized. -- I'm such a specific planner - that I plan to also break the plan and instead be loosely planned within a plan. - I plan so much that when it comes time to execute my plan - I've already rehearsed the entire scenario in my mind a million times- that my body just goes through the motions.
--- So here I am -- planning.
I'm planning to make my next move.
I'm going to work and save money to get new shoes and extra side items for hiking.
I'm going to Hike on the Colorado Trail.
I'm going to change my mind again - I've been away from that ultimate joy for a year now. I feel dead inside again- and I need to be out there.
I don't know why I'm so broken this way. -- I don't know why this great sadness has overtaken my spirit for the last 6 months. I can't just blame it on being in South Texas.
I feel better now saying that I'm going to hike the Colorado Trail. -- It feels less like someone who wants to leave her life- and more like someone who is creating one.
- I'm just not happy with the material things I think I want. There are things that people keep pushing on me as being the right way of things. They find such definition in their careers - and I only see dead zombies who do the same thing every day for decades. . .. And they call that a happy and successful life? -- I seem to only find joy now in experiences. I just want to feel it all. I want to be in motion and not stop.
The draw to to get back out there again is powerful. -- Life After the excitement of 2014 has been a strange and foggy journey to find the new normal. -- I'm ready to find Life Again and I know it is here beckoning me to wake up and take those first thrilling steps onto this next trail.
