On and Off

I have had a fantastic time hiking this year. I learned so much and made some friends I will adore for life! I made it about 600 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail and I can say it was worth it. I have plans of going to crater lake and hiking in Oregon - though I'm feeling sluggish about getting back out there. The elevation sickness I experienced in the sierras was so unpleasant. The other blogs I'm reading about the suffering heat and Mosquitos are just turning me off. I have a desire to hike but I've lost a lot of steam-- I think mostly because I don't have a hiking team. I started this venture off alone - not sure of what I will discover. I've discovered that I want company. I know many people enjoy the solitude of being one with nature, but I don't. I want the team. After Guzzler Mirage Tumbleweed and Tripper all came and went- and I came and went-- I feel like I'm dragging myself to head out there alone. I have this overwhelming realization that it all really means nothing to me unless I can share the experience with someone. Earlier on I was seeing people leave left and right stating that they missed their loved ones and wanted to come back with them to experience it together. I didn't understand it really until the people I was experiencing it with all had to go. Being out there with Tripper, and before that the 8 o'clocks is so much better than being alone.

As you can see from my photo above-- life on and off trail is a jarring difference for me to experience. It is like I am literally ripping myself open out there and using a completely different set of living tools. It takes me about 3 days of being in the wilderness to get back into the swing of the trail. That initial first day switch from perfume and eyeshadow loving Minda - into one outfit wearing hobo Levity is rough. It's not that I'm not me--- it's just that both existences are extremely different. There are things I like and dislike greatly about both lives.

When I am out on the trail- I feel an acceptance. I do what needs to be done and I do my best to stay positive and enjoy my surroundings. But everything - every little thing is a major pain in the ass. 

Just taking care of basic needs is a big song and dance. It takes time to ration and filter water and food. Just having to go to the bathroom is annoying- especially when it's 3 am and very cold to leave my sleeping bag and tent! Any kind of sickness is multiplied in horrific side effects. Meticulous unrelenting footcare is a must to lessen chances of blisters. --- These are all negatives to me. What are the positives? 

I feel so alive. The song in my heart is for real. I feel healthy and vibrant. I love the world. I love trees. I love sparkling blue lakes and I love all the love that I'm emanating. I feel true daily joy. Everything is novel. I have no idea what each day will bring. There is nothing stable or for sure other than the fact I will be walking and I will be wanting to filter water. I had mega plans to blog each day- but I fail boated that big time! The reality is I was so overwhelmed and so in shock. I was so exhausted - I just couldn't form the words to put down everything I was experiencing. Hiking this trail has awakened a part of me I didn't know existed fully. I think I knew I could handle it- but I didn't know in what capacity. What I do know now is that I can do anything I set my mind to. I can live in the world with bare necessities and there is no need to surround myself with so much craziness. I don't need it. -- that's another thing. Need. Need and Want. I understand these things. Specifically. 

I don't feel ready to say goodbye to the trail just yet but I feel exhausted. It takes a lot of inner powering and ramping of my spirit to will myself back out into the wilderness. It might be the lifeblood for other people but I think I have gotten what I came for. I have been considering heading back east to Florida. The only thing that stops me is the fact I feel I haven't truly finished. I really want to see Oregon and Washington. I've made plans to continue- I just need to build the strength to go alone. It feels empty and overly exhausting to be alone. - as if the wind is stolen from my sails. I don't know. But whatever happens will be happening in a week from now. I have a couple more months - I think I would be very upset if I went home now. I think I just need to stick to my plan of cherry picking sections that appeal to me and enjoying what time I have left before finding a job that keeps me in a cubicle for the next 30 years.